6 Totally Super Ultra Extra Rare Things Found on Earth & Beyond

#1 - Purple Carrots

Though all types of carrots are nutritious, purple carrots contain powerful antioxidants. Eating purple carrots may improve heart health, encourage weight loss, and can also be used as daggers to defend yourself. If someone calls the cops on you, eat the evidence.

#2 - Ring Galaxies

These cosmic structures are incredibly rare in the universe and are formed through complex interactions between galaxies. In a ring galaxy, a smaller galaxy collides with a larger one, similar to a corporate hostile takeover. Which proves that the universe snubs little, starry-eyed entrepreneurs and embraces predatory cosmic capitalism.

#3 - Jeweled Squid

Venturing into the depths of the ocean, we encounter the jeweled squid, a creature of astounding rarity. Which explains why they cost more than two dollars at Wal-Mart’s pet department.

#4 - The Luminous Forest, Japan

Every year in summer, these green glowing fungi spring up in forests in certain parts of Japan. Batteries included. Tourists are cautioned not to trip on extension cords.

#5 - White Peacock

White peacocks are a striking example of rarity in the animal kingdom. These birds are not albinos but rather possess a genetic mutation called spraypaint, which reduces the pigmentation in their feathers. Unlike their colorful counterparts, white peacocks have an ethereal beauty characterized by the distinct smell of acrylic paint (fruity, pungent, alcohol-like). Pictured above is Sherwin Williams “flipping the bird.” Sherwin is the former, ostentatious White House press secretary for the former, ostentatious…oh never mind.

#6 – Greatest 2024 Happy New Year Card in the Universe

Exactly 10 years ago (4-17-14), I was lying on a gurney at Mass General Hospital, buried beneath a surgical drape that resembled a funeral pall. I was blind in one eye. My detached retina was getting reattached. Two surgeons, laser surgery. I had to lay still for over an hour. Not move, not sneeze.

The whole time, I kept thinking about what I had seen that morning. A stranger from the other side of the planet, Australia, had posted a drop-dead wonderful review of my Jurassic Jim novel, “Past is Present,” on Amazon. I had read her comments about 200 times. Someone had truly “got” Jim Fleetwood. Then I had printed a copy of it and hustled to the hospital.

That afternoon, while on the gurney, I kept thinking about the folded piece of paper in my pocket. The stellar review that no doubt made Jim Fleetwood do hand springs. Midway through the surgery, I was tempted to ask Dr. David Wu and Dr. Cynthia Qi’An for a time-out. I wanted to tell ‘em, “You gotta read this review. The reviewer is perfectly in tune with outsiders, dreamers, and Detroiters. Whoever this person is, you gotta clone her. That way, I’d get the perfect readership. Heart, humor, the works. I’d never again have to send an unread query letter to an agent.”

Not long after that, an email was exchanged with “Francesca.” Then another, and so on. Pretty soon, I had the greatest beta reader and feedback-giver in the world for new works of fiction, blog posts, query letters, and all the other lunatic aspects of this ink-stained business.

And not just the lit’ry life. We also exchange notes and rattle on about life on Planet Earth, which is located in the universe or the multiverse. Or, at the rate things are going, the tumultiverse. That’s the universe of nonstop tumult, stupidity and shitty behavior. See, I can write stuff like that and my friend will never tell me to “grow up.”

Ten years and counting. Holy Jesus. How rare is it to find a friend such as this, at this stage of my life? My hunch? It’s rarer than purple carrots and white peacocks named Sherwin.

Francesca, jumbo thanks!

“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot of difference. They don't have to make speeches. Just believing is usually enough.”

― Stephen King, “On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft”