Patty Hearst - the untold story!
Patty Hearst, SLA,
Beatle—the Secret Link
At 9:20 p.m. on
February 4, 1974, there was a knock on the door of apartment #4 at 2603 Benvenue Street in Berkeley, California.
The young couple inside, a college student and a teacher, looked up.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Wait. Before we open the door, let's go back two months. On
December 3, 1973, a record was released in the U.S. The album's titular song would
hit the airwaves, enter the national eardrum, and set the "musical"
stage for one of the strangest cases in FBI history. Now, let's return to that
chilly February night.
Knock, knock.
"I said—who's there?"
Eight kidnappers burst in with guns drawn. The boyfriend was
thrown to the floor and stomped by a dedicated communist masseur. His
19-year-old fiancée was dumped into a car trunk. Seconds later—screams, three
shots, screeching tires…history.
Next morning, the name Patty
Hearst circled the world.
Who's there?
What's there?
Open the door and say
hello to…
Synchronicity.
(rakish revolutionary)
America's
most famous fugitive since Dr. Richard Kimble was on the run for the next 19
months, until her headline arrest in September, 1975. Millions know the electrifying
story. Until now, the strangest part of this crime saga has been hidden in
plain sight. Years ago, vintage rock deejay "Jurassic Jim" Fleetwood connected
the dots and went public. Jeers followed. "Alas," Fleetwood said,
"the sign of a true visionary is an arrow in his back—next to the bullet
hole." WikiLeaks has released FBI documents that vindicate Fleetwood's assertion.
In a nutshell, a "cosmic quirk" occurred in the
spring of 1974, after the Symbionese Liberation Army demanded that the
captive's family distribute "$70 worth of food" to every needy
Californian (think Oxfam America
with a desperado twist). However, the weird-o-meter of life throttled up to a
solid, pants-piddling 10 when Patty's surreal odyssey banged a sharp turn into
Carl Jung's Twilight Zone.
You may reasonably ask: What's
Patty Hearst and a pop tune got to do with Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung?
This: the term synchronicity was coined by Cosmic Carl to express a
concept about an acausal
connection of two or more psycho-physic phenomena. What we perceive
as coincidence (e.g. you spend two sleepless, tweaktastic weeks on crystal meth,
then join a public tour of the West Wing of the White House) is often something
deeper and not chance driven (e.g. the universal human need to be noticed by
the leader of the free world as you claw your chest and shake like a
paint-mixer).
Now, chew on this. Throughout the time Patty Hearst teamed
up and hit the highway with the SLA, what was the #1 album in America? What song shook the
soundtrack to the 1974 zeitgeist? Come on…ah…
Answer: Paul McCartney and Wings. Band on the Run.
It gets better. Remember the album cover? A dark alley at
night. A group of outlaws dressed in black. A police spotlight.
(Paul started it all)
Coincidence? Please, put the glass pipe down and get a grip.
This is synchronicity. Feeling faint? You should. That's not cottage cheese dripping
onto your shoulders—your brain just exploded.
(SLA roadies checking the stage design prior to the performance)
Picture it. April 15, 1974. A ho-hum Monday morning on freakin'
tax day. Maximum bore. Unless you were lucky enough to be inside the Sunset
District branch of the Hibernia Bank at 1450 Noriega Street in San Francisco.
That's where Dr. Jung's theory was literally caught on surveillance camera, officially
crossing the criminal line. Patty was photographed wielding an M1 carbine while
making an unorthodox cash withdrawal. The camera snapped a babe in a rakish
black beret barking financial directives to bank customers. And who better to
offer free fiscal advice at gunpoint than a Hearst heiress?
(note the quartet of dancing shadows on the floor)
Now. Drumroll. The blast-your-brain Jungian moment of
synchronicity. The paranormal collision of Patty and Paul. Beret and Beatle. When
a band of bank robbers met a Band on the Run. Among the iconic surveillance
pictures, one grainy image shows four shadows on the shiny floor, near the
velvet ropes that lead to the bank tellers. This explosive shot has been
compared to the Zapruder film of the JFK assassination. Four SLA
members, beyond the camera's eye, are backlit by ceiling lights. A freeze-frame
of finger-poppin' choreography. Song-and-dance shadows. SLA bank robber #1 sings
lead. SLA bank robbers #2, #3 & #4 sing backup. Classic call-and-response.
SLA bandit #1: "Do ya DIG me?"
SLA bandits #2, #3, #4:
"Yes we dig ya."
SLA bandit #1: "Do ya D-I-I-I-G-G-G me?"
SLA bandits #2, #3, #4:
"Yes we dig ya."
SLA bandit #1:
"Now…that I…can…rob and dance."
SLA bandits #2, #3, #4:
"Rob-n-dance…rob-n-dance."
SLA bandit #1:
"Watch-me-now…hey!"
SLA bandit #1 pumps fist,
drops to floor with legs split, bounces back up like a cheerleader on crack. Cheering
customers give standing ovation.
SLA bandits #2, #3, #4:
"Shoop-de-shoop…work it out baby!...Shoop-de-shoop…death to fascist
insects…loop-de-loop…that prey on the peeps…"
[To topple the pillars
of fascism, the SLA understood that
redistribution of wealth could be achieved through entertainment. Dazzle the
masses with tight-ass dancing, and the cash will come.]
SLA bandit #1: "All
right everybody…purse and wallets on the floor…Then poppa gonna show you…how to
dance some more!"
SLA bandits #2, #3, #4: "We're
sym…bun…neeze…liberationarmy…We bring bourgeois pigs…to their sleazy piggy
knees…Cuz we're the sym…bun…neeze…liberationarmy…"
SLA bandit #1: "Yo…freedom
flips me out…hey!"
Shadow #1 does a back flip without dropping his M1 carbine,
kicks out legs, hits the splits, pops up, shoots ceiling—pop-pop-pop—while
sliding across tile floor on knees à la Bruce Springsteen.
Shadows #2, #3, #4 sing "Shoop-de-shoop… sym…bun…neeze…b-a-b-y,"
then cartwheel, hit the splits with one-hand-down-on-floor, pop, stop, wave
berets.
(The Temptations – the greatest assault weapon ever seen on stage,
with lethal vocals and high-capacity-magazine footwork)
Reached by phone last week, an anonymous eyewitness recalled,
"Those four men. They lined up like a firing squad. I was scared to death.
But Lord Jesus, they did a line dance. Like they was the Temptations with
firearms. They danced and waved those weapons. Dancing bandits? I never seen
nothing like it. Holy Jesus, imagine blagging banks in your beret and salsa
shoes. Dash in, wave a weapon, and do the Boogaloo at Wachovia while shouting,
‘Everyone on the floor…the dance floor!
That’s right. One, two, three—drop! Hit it, people!’ Goodness, what fun. I
mean, come on…rob Citibank while dancing the Skank in front of the security
cameras? What kinda world we live in?"
Answer: a world of cosmic confluence. A big shout-out to
Carl Jung in the afterlife—Doctor J, you put the shoop-de-shoop into quantum
physics. Welcome to banditry, berets, bullets and a backbeat. It all began with
a rock record release. So jump up. Slap on your ballroom shoes and dance the
Skank at Citibank.
[Thomas Davidson would
like to thank Carl Jung and "Jurassic Jim" Fleetwood for their
valuable insight.]
AT
Thomas Davidson is the author of two quirky thrillers, THE
MUSEUM OF SUDDEN DISAPPEARANCES and PAST IS PRESENT. His nonfiction has
appeared in The Boston Phoenix; and
is excerpted in the national bestseller Missing
Beauty by crime reporter, Teresa Carpenter. His comic fiction has appeared
in MudRock: Stories and Tales and The American Drivel Review; crime
fiction in A Twist of Noir, Powder Burn
Flash, and All Things Crime. His
literary humor column appeared at The
Electronic Drivel Review, ADR's online supplement. He lives in the Boston area.
