WTP...What the pluck?

Fake News from an Alt-Universe

Anthony Scaramucci, "the Mooch," the frisky White House communications director, addressed 40,000 Boy Scouts at their national Jamboree.

Here's the Mooch signaling to the kids that he's #1. Below is the complete transcript of the rhetorician's remarks.

MOOCH: "Listen up, you little zits. Yeah, you...you filthy muh-fuh chicken pluckers! Now gimme me a 'Pee.' Gimme an 'L.' Gimme a 'You-See-Kay.' Wuss that spell?"

CROWD: "Pluck! 

MOOCH: "WUSS...THAT...SPELL?"

CROWD: "PLUCK!"

MOOCH: "Go...pluck yo'selves! Pluck all you stupid plucks! Cuz I'm the effin meanest mama-plucker in town! I can pluck all nite long. I'm the dean of the lean mean pluck machines!"

crowd goes wild

Then the Mooch knocks it out of the park. "Eat yo' heart out...coz I'm a one-man pluck-fest!"

Jammin' at the Jamboree

EDITOR'S NOTE: Is this Emerson, Lake & Palmer? The Jimi Hendrix Experience or Nirvana?

Not exactly. Pictured above:

Left: Robert Pinski, Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the White House

Center: the Mooch

Right: Louis E. Gluck, Chancellor of the Academy of American Tongue-Twisters