Middle Class Miracle

Trump Launches Tax Bill

Congress and President propel tax-relief bill. Simplified tax code written on a single roll of paper towels. Working Americans rejoice.

WTP...What the pluck?

Fake News from an Alt-Universe

Anthony Scaramucci, "the Mooch," the frisky White House communications director, addressed 40,000 Boy Scouts at their national Jamboree.

Here's the Mooch signaling to the kids that he's #1. Below is the complete transcript of the rhetorician's remarks.

MOOCH: "Listen up, you little zits. Yeah, you...you filthy muh-fuh chicken pluckers! Now gimme me a 'Pee.' Gimme an 'L.' Gimme a 'You-See-Kay.' Wuss that spell?"

CROWD: "Pluck! 

MOOCH: "WUSS...THAT...SPELL?"

CROWD: "PLUCK!"

MOOCH: "Go...pluck yo'selves! Pluck all you stupid plucks! Cuz I'm the effin meanest mama-plucker in town! I can pluck all nite long. I'm the dean of the lean mean pluck machines!"

crowd goes wild

Then the Mooch knocks it out of the park. "Eat yo' heart out...coz I'm a one-man pluck-fest!"

Jammin' at the Jamboree

EDITOR'S NOTE: Is this Emerson, Lake & Palmer? The Jimi Hendrix Experience or Nirvana?

Not exactly. Pictured above:

Left: Robert Pinski, Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the White House

Center: the Mooch

Right: Louis E. Gluck, Chancellor of the Academy of American Tongue-Twisters

go with the floe

Today, after several months, I opened my blog's door again. I hit the lights and looked around. Where have I been?

The South Pole.

Think of it this way. Ernest Shackleton, early 20th century South Pole enthusiast, (allegedly) placed this 1912 expedition recruitment ad. Imagine seeing this in your favorite tabloid.

Let's make two edits. Let's change the first word, "Men," to "You are." And switch "small" to "zero." Now the ad reads:

"You are wanted for hazardous journey. Zero wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful. Honor and recognition in case of success.”

Presto! Shackleton, a snowshoe artist who was always "in the floe," unwittingly nailed the writer's world. Now the ad accurately describes the head-crushing experience of writing a novel.

Or here's the short version. These are the 12 words my muse coos when I begin banging out a new book. "Tighten yo' belt, ink-slinger, y'all in for a vertical-hair thrill ride."

At any rate, I just returned from the South Pole with my new novel. So, that's where I've been. I'll hit the lights on the way out.